Average age of losing virginity in India is yet to be defined, but, it is declining very sharply for sure. According to a recent survey, most of the Americans end up losing their virginity before the age of 17.
In India, virginity is still considered a prized possession that a person offers to his/her life partner after marriage. I used the word “still” because more and more youngsters of today’s generation are getting liberal in their thoughts which is illustrated by their sporty attitude towards sex and virginity. They don’t consider virginity a prerequisite any more for a happy marriage life. For them, getting engaged in an intimate relationship and eventually enjoying sex is normal without bothering much if that relation would end up into marriage or not. Neither they are virgin nor they expect their life partners to be a virgin. It is perfectly fine.
This is one scenario.
Let us try to understand the other one. In India, more people live in villages and small towns than metros and big cities. Due to somewhat less liberal social and family environment, youngsters living in those areas have less opportunities to explore their sexuality. Hence, chances of remaining virgin for those youths would be higher. But, not necessarily because they prefer to. It can be either voluntarily (virgin by choice) or involuntarily (virgin due to lesser opportunities).
Anyhow, whatever may be the reason, majority of the youngsters in small towns and villages would have their virginity intact. In that sense, it is quite justified for them to expect their life partners as virgin as well. There is nothing wrong with it.
For an adult, lifestyle preferences (including sexuality) are very much a personal decision. Either a person is virgin or a sexually experienced one- it is a personal choice and it should be respected in that sense. Labeling a person as “characterless” if non virgin and “old fashioned/backward” if virgin- both are acts of immaturity and over reaction. There is no need to do moral policing about this virginity thing.
Life is simple. Let us not complicate it. Sex is an integral part of an adult’s life. We should accept this reality. Equating premarital sexuality to the moral character of a person is not justified.
Both of these scenarios are quite logical and easy to understand. So, what is the big deal?
Why there is so much buzz about virginity and premarital sex in India?
The issue that is complicating such a simple thing is – Lack of authenticity- dishonesty in relationships.
Let us take one example- If I have a sexually active past life and my potential life partner- she can be my girlfriend or the girl chosen by my parents for marriage- is virgin and she is curious about my previous relationships, then instead of keeping her in dark or teaching her philosophy lessons like –Life can’t be lived in the past. Let us talk about present and future- I should tell her the exact truth about my past life and let her decide the future course of action by her conscience.
Similarly, If I am a virgin guy and I am curious about the past life of my potential life partner, then I should discuss the same with her. Although it is true that I should not bother about her past life and I should expect love and loyalty from now onward. But, if her past life (in terms of sexuality) matters to me, then I should move ahead and discuss the same with her. Remember- no question is stupid when your whole life is at stake. If she is also serious about you, then she would understand your concerns and would address them honestly.
We must understand that inquiring about past life (virginity) of your potential life partner is not idiotic if it matters to you. Both the persons should understand the sensitivity of this issue and an honest, open end discussion should take place to make sure that a lovely lifelong relation like marriage should not get slaughtered due to any trust deficit later on.
In both the examples stated above, you and your potential life partner would take wise decisions.
- Either you would go ahead and get married. Accepting and loving a person wholeheartedly after knowing his/her past life- nothing more can be asked for. It would strengthen the bond of love like anything.
- Otherwise, you would part your ways and look for other similar minded partners. Putting an end to a relation before getting engaged seriously would be lesser painful than breaking up at any later stage.
Love (and trust) should be the foundation of every relation that exists on this earth and marriage is definitely one of them. Hence, when it comes to marriage, we should embrace honestly (towards our self and the potential life partner) wholeheartedly and let the good things happen.
“Premarital sex/Virginity doesn’t define your character”
